Maybe I've been here before. I can't remember...I've noticed that when I get into difficult situations, I tend to think I've never experienced this feeling before. I probably have. This waiting game is probably no more difficult than the last time I had to wait for the Lord to show me what to do next.
However, I'm waiting.... the feeling isn't new, but it definitely feels more uncertain than ever before.
I've finished nursing school. Now what? Do I get a job here in the US in order to get some much needed experience and pay back a few loans and finish some Bible classes for PI? Do I start graduate school to be a pediatric nurse practitioner, knowing it would be so useful overseas? Do I take a medical-surgical job because it's available and everyone says I need med-surg experience? Do I hold out for the possibility of getting a NICU job, which wouldn't be so useful in overseas work but would be something I love? What if I take a job and then hate it? Would it be better just to finish my classes and go back overseas as soon as possible? Where do I fit as a nurse in the world of missions?
I miss China. I miss living overseas. I want to live among those who have not heard of Jesus. I want to live among the poor and wounded and forgotten. Is this selfish? Is this a desire to feel needed or be used? Or do I really want to glorify the Lord? Am I looking for greener grass because I don't like where I am right now? Or is this phase of waiting given to me to search for options?
I don't know the answers to any of these questions.
I do know that this girl inspires me. I want to be a mom to orphans. I want to care for them when they are ill or injured. I want them to call me Mommy.
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